Anal Room

Another “outside-of-me” dream. I was my mother visiting ME in the hospital. I (Gabby) had been staying in a room in the reproductive ward, and was dying because what I had was colon cancer. She (my mom, but the role I was ‘”playing'”) dragged me, by herself, to a room in the ward that I actually needed to be in.

The hospital was my parents’ house. She was moving me from a room with a small bed into the big bed across the hall, but I died on the floor between the rooms, as she was saying, “Gabby, wake up, we finally have an anal room.”

As she sat next to my body, she took out the memoir she had been writing for a while and wrote the last paragraph. I went back into my own perspective (me right before I died) and saw through my flickering eyelids what she wrote: “my chest now welcomed tears but I held them back as if to tell myself that time would still be music, that all would be washed and lain gently by the sink again, that somehow she would come back.” I saw an empty milk bottle next to a faucet as I died and then the dream ended because real me woke up.

Gabby, 28, Brooklyn | Art by Kimi